有时候感到心灰意冷。。。 有时候不知所做的是否值得。。。

I don’t know how other people feel about the easiness of being a project group leader… Is requesting for something simple so difficult for people to respond appropriately? Not a single female has seen me flare up, and I don’t want to. Fact in itself, I’ve been very tolerant towards the fairer gender. So what is the problem in informing me of timetable schedules asap. Its not like I’m telling people to do anything extra.

我不知道。。。 我真的不知道。。。

Is it very difficult to be aware of deadlines? I don’t know what other people think… but I’ve been through stages like going through 1000 weapon serial numbers within an hour with precision. The point is, know what you have to do at what time. I don’t know if less acquainted people think I’m unfriendly, fierce, anti-social, or what-nots. But being in my group is very simple actually… I know not everyone are equally proficient in the academics. I only demand attitude, punctuality, and responsibility…

很难办到吗。。。 我错了吗。。。

Here I am, despite many nights sleeping for lesser than 6 hours, trying to facilitate things amidst the many other commitments I have. What do I get when I spend a disproportionately larger amount of time on projects? What do I get when I help people in their school work? Are people really more busy than me? It’s so funny that Melissa said I have the looks… What look? The look of a leader… Doesn’t sound convincing.

我真的很想苦笑。。。 我不知道该说什么。。。

Does a natural leader face these problems? I don’t know. There are many forms of “leadership”. I can easily turn facilitation into authority, but that is an unpleasant environment to work in. Mind you… if you know where I come through from in secondary school, you will understand absolute discipline is no stranger to me.

我很想放弃。。。 我心灵焦脆。。。