Today was miserable. I was sick, running a fever, something which don’t happen often. It’s a bad fever, unlike the common ones when I could still sit in front of the com when it was just a matter of increased body heat. The symptoms were so powerful that I felt it yesterday. Now it explained why I was so restless yesterday… And I slept very very early last night.

Today I struggled to get off the bed. I knew something was wrong. I was lethargic. I was disoriented. I had no appetite. I forced two slices of bread down my throat, without even bothering about spreading peanut butter. In fact, doing that might be worse. I could felt the remnants of the taste of breads in my throat… There was a nauseous feeling. I almost vomited.

I couldn’t quite get off the bed. My mum realized I was abnormal when she came home. I couldn’t even finish 1/5th of a packet lunch. The cruelty of it was, I didn’t feel hungry… I managed to visit a doctor after “lunch”. The doctor said I have fever, accompanied by tension and stress… and I have low blood count. What irony… I remembered visiting the same doctor back when I was conscripted, telling him I have symptoms of low blood count. He dismissed it as rubbish, and now he is telling me otherwise. Does he even remember me? I doubt so… the number of times I go to the doctor in a year can be counted on one hand, maybe half. In fact, I still believe that I naturally recover from most illness in half a day. I think my immune system rocks. But today was an exception…

I had porridge for dinner… half a bowl to be exact. And I did not touch the side dishes much. What a joke… that was hardly filling for breakfast… But I didn’t want to eat anymore. I was struggling… with law reports, with the knowledge that so many assignments await my attention. Nobody bothered, nobody cared. In fact, probably nobody knew.  But I cannot back down… I’m pushing myself still to deliver… Destiny is in my hands. I will recover in time. No… I must recover in time.

Why god, has thou cursed me with the perfectionist personality?