March 29, 2008

Projects Rant

Posted in General, University at 5:05 pm by ryushin

My my… What have I gotten myself into? Can any kind soul remind me again why I have chosen business again? Its like throwing myself into a cauldron of mess. It practically screams projects at me. Terrible schedules have forced very suboptimal meeting time, and considering the amount of projects this semester which all nicely came together at the end, I’ve been exhausting my puny little brain recently. In fact, I have frequently set new personal records for the time I went to bed this semester. Ironically, not for the latest, but in fact earliest… You know, the kind of occasion when I couldn’t have kept my eyes open any longer even if my favorite tv show is on screen.

On that note, I should really reconsider the humongous strain that 8am lectures are putting on me. But I do have a bad feeling I won’t see the end of them this semester… What was really idiotic was the number of times I slept through the lectures, (and even the corresponding tutorial). I’m more reclusive this semester, I feel. This is partly due to the segmented module slots alot of us were given despite the assurance of a “core class”. Besides, being the second semester, standards were set, fatigue starts creeping in, and the persisting stress of under-performance lingers for many. And I can’t help them, not when I can’t pull myself out of my own pit. To add to the pain, why did I take the uncertain step to sign up for things to beautify my CV, without a clear indication that I can cope with it.

Unfortunately, I lack motivational drivers to push myself (further) ahead of the pack. In fact, many retarding forces threaten to expose my weaknesses, amplified in no doubt with my very nonchalant attitude. To be honest, I kind of hate myself for that… I have rested on my laurels long enough, but… not a single person has that something special to change me… just yet…

March 25, 2008

愚情篇-续

Posted in My Life, Mind & Heart at 11:55 pm by ryushin

最近心思烦乱,开始迷失方向。不知道寻找的是否值得,更不知到底寻求什么。觉得人生越来越迷茫,自己的踪影消失在繁杂的都市里。我渐渐丧失斗志,慢慢舍弃梦想。

她为何给我希望,却亲手毁灭这个梦幻。一段永恒的期盼顿时沦陷成粉碎的遗憾。我们之间产生了距离。我开始避免和她对话,甚至不敢正视她双眸。我害怕心中涌起悲痛,强忍压抑情绪的沸腾,见面时还要带着微微笑容,遮掩所有悲伤。我只能静静走开,独自忍痛,在遥远的深处默默祝福。

因为爱所以无条件的付出?因为爱所以不奢求回报?只要她得到快乐,我不该继续执着,应当感到欣慰。我却非圣贤,只是普通凡人,又怎能看破红尘?盲目的追寻。。。痴痴的等待。。。最终还不是回到原点,无情的闭幕。谁能助我解脱,离开这无谓的事端。。。

March 24, 2008

愚情篇

Posted in My Life, Mind & Heart at 11:04 pm by ryushin

时光飞逝数十年
但愿此生无怨言
孤君独夜伴月眠
欲求梦里现芳玄
枯眼望遥惜相怜
只怨何苦一相缘
思绪烦杂念红颜
终究唯有断肠连

March 21, 2008

True National Citizen

Posted in General, Lifestyle & Culture at 8:52 pm by ryushin

Reading Ken’s blog caused many thoughts to swell up inside me. National Service… slavery? or pride & honour?

Granted, it is enforced conscription for the vast majority of local males in our little country. But, many people just cannot remove their tinted glasses just for a split second and look beyond the negatives. Admit it, the ease of finding fault with every and any issues is so tempting, but how many people can just bother to consider the positives? Philosophically speaking, the world is made up of dual sides of a flip coin.

For me, I think NS was a major step in my personal development, though much less physically than others because of my past medical status. Actually, I was posted to a unit with many soldiers who are far from physically fit for strenuous activities. I felt like a valuable asset to the unit and was probably doing things down there few people in my unit can possibly handle. While I grunted and grumbled at certain dissatisfaction, in particular insensitivity and stubbornness of certain supervisors, I did what I had to do, to complete my tasks within my job scope to the best of my abilities. And I am jolly well glad that there are superiors that appreciate what I offer to the unit. When considering that the entire army can only function as efficiently as the sum of all its parts, it is really imperative for people to understand the importance of each individual soldier.

I think those people who outright condemn National Service ought to think about the reason for its existence. Propaganda you say? Nay, National Service isn’t about making you kowtow to the greater existence called the nation. We are nurturing thinking soldiers in this generation, not mindless grunts who blindly follow the blind. Alas we cannot always expect the highest standards and revolutionary changes overnight can we? We need to be constantly aware that organizations are always run by the people up there, and they have vast individual differences from the many common soldiers. In fact, everyone of us are different in our perceptions, beliefs, and personalities. What I’m putting across is, no matter where you are, there will always be issues or people or ideas that irk you. So what do we do? Abolish the law, ditch the government, demolish organizational hierarchies, plan mass genocides? What naïvety!

And sharing something, not exactly knowing whether its factual, but supposedly Sun Yat Sen once asked, if you are compelled to abandon one of the following three items: the army, provisions (food), or human faith, what would be your answer? Now, supposing you are down to two of the above items now, and you are again compelled to abandon one more, what would you ditch? And I want to add, by all means, if you are compelled to abandon the final thing left, what do you do? I will probably await any responses (if any ><) before delving into more discussions. So maybe we can have a part 2 of this post 😀

March 19, 2008

Tempest Wail

Posted in My Life, Mind & Heart at 6:31 pm by ryushin

Be brave still heart, as you face the storm
Confused, befuddled, you stand alone?
Your will starts to falter, beliefs deform
But stay strong girl, and never bemoan

Inside you it burns, an eternal searing pain
Because thy heart is not of ice and stone
Fear not, I will stand with you in the rain
Until you find a path you call your own

March 16, 2008

New Cohort Incoming!

Posted in University at 5:18 pm by ryushin

The mad rush for projects is entering a crucial period right now. To be honest, I do think that the overlapping window for projects is really taxing on students in that particular period of time, a period when the respective modules are going into their respective areas which are (usually) more difficult, and a period of time when paranoid students start mugging as well. Of course, the defenses were that most such projects hold the essential element to integrate the stuffs we learn in the module, and thus will usually tend to be due just before the final exams. Quite unfortunately, all 4 of my core modules this semester have a project to work on, and it is draining the life out of me.

For some seemingly illogical reasons, I’m committed to freshmen orientation week, which do take up that extra bit of effort and time from me. On the plus side, it is indeed a great opportunity to expand my social network. (In any case you feel a bit of comfort in knowing that other people are grunting over their schedules too.) Some of us poor folks for o-week were roped in to help out in the open house this weekend. To be honest, I would have preferred not to be. After all, I had a shift on Sunday!!! SUNDAY… from 9am. It is quite unfortunate because in the normal course of life, I would say I’m probably still dazing on bed at that time. Actually I think at times in the morning, it looked quite comical because we were simply overstaffed at that period of time. Instead of something like 3 potential undergrads speaking to a personnel, it was more like 3 of us with a prospective student. HAHAHA.

Argh, my back still is aching, have been standing for like almost the whole day. Lets hope we do attract more students so there is a larger pool of market for resale of textbooks.

March 13, 2008

Pretentious Ruminations

Posted in General, My Life, Mind & Heart at 12:31 am by ryushin

Recently while going through such topics like personality and individual differences in mno set my puny brain into motion again, rethinking about myself, my purpose, and my life. For one, I think I have a rather abnormal personality, if I may call it so. I place great expectations on myself, telling myself this is what I want to achieve. But perhaps that is only futile and imaginary hopes for the end product, and the what might have beens. Process wise, I appear reluctant to work hard. My inertia to remain in a situation of not working hard seems to be pretty gargantuan for someone of my modest mass. To put it into perspective, I think I have cognitive dissonance.

On another level, I don’t know know what other people think about me. About whether I’m too concerned about grades. I can’t help but feel sensitive when talking to many people, I really do. I’m always on tenterhooks, never knowing when a wrong sentence will aggrieve anyone. I try to shun away from grades talk, but apparently there is little avenue for escape. Additional pressures mount when expectations come externally. Jealousy might come into the picture for some people. That, I do not know. But when other people talk about it casually, jokingly, or even just because of that bit of envy, I do not just discard it. I have a massive reputation to live up to, at least amongst people I know in specific aspects. But it seems to snowball. I don’t know if my obsession is a healthy stimulus.

Sometimes I do wonder how much of a person’s personality is inherent, and how much of it is shaped after birth. When I recall my growing up years, there isn’t much stress from my family to pursue excellence. Morals and integrity holds first place in my upbringing. And I’m glad I do still have plenty of them. But as time goes on, perhaps I have become much more ethnocentric. I need to walk out of the barrier, to experience a holistic life again.

I will say, humans generally fall into 6 categories, the dragon, the bull, the pig, the wolf, the horse, and the fox. Somewhere deep down inside, I have a desire to be the dragon, not to be someone who toils and reap little rewards, not to be someone who fumbles around screwing up his life, and probably not to be someone who just follow the pack. I’m probably closer to the horse now, a carefree attitude with perhaps some kind of shackle. Oh, and I hate the final group of people.

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